Haiku 1 has its merits, but it's really not a haiku. Sure, it has three lines, the first with 5 syllables, the second with 7, and the last with 5 again, for a total of 17 syllables. The 5-7-5 syllable (onji) form happens to occur naturally in the Japanese language; a haiku in English can be anywhere from just a few syllables up to 17 syllables (rarely more than that).
What makes a haiku a haiku is that it captures the essence of a relationship between Nature and human nature. Alan Watts characterized haiku as "wordless poems," the idea being that a good haiku is so concise that the reader doesn't even really have to read the words to experience the moment of the poem.
Haiku 1 is more of a senryu maybe, which genre is more about human nature and human relationships and is often humorous. Whatever it is, it's pretty pedestrian, I'd say.
And there's more where that came from!
Matteo, thank you so much for the haiku book, from which I learned a lot of this information. If you'd like a copy for yourself, you might want to look it up: The Haiku Anthology, Expanded Edition. Cor van den Heuvel, editor.
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ted slater's public denial of solipsism
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2 comments:
See, Ted, I knew there was a reason I like you. I hate it when people write "haikus" with the exact amount of syllables but about their car or somethign like that.
Also, I like Alan Watts.
One of my favorite American haikuists is Richard Wright.
Here's one of his:
The dog's violent sneeze
Fails to rouse a single fly
On his mangy back.
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